


What is Worth Fighting for?

by Sherlocksangelcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Depression, Happy Ending, depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 13:27:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14450241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocksangelcas/pseuds/Sherlocksangelcas
Summary: Not sure why I’m writing this, I think I just need to right now..So, enjoy Cas working through the hard times.





	What is Worth Fighting for?

Castiel was sitting on his bed, peeling away at the loose frayed ends of the blanket. Hurt was to say the least as for what he was feeling. So many emotions at once, all flooding through the gates. Drowning him in its path. Numb. That was also what he had been feeling, he wasn’t quite sure how, considering the dull ache in his gut and the ever relentless tiredness.  
What was his purpose here? That, he wasn’t quite sure. He lived a many of years, many, many, years. But for the most part, he’d just been given orders and tried his very best to succeed in his missions, as a soldier should. There were no orders now, and whenever he’d managed to form a coherent plan..it never seemed to work the way he intended.  
Was it really better now that he had his freedom? His own choices? Free Will is what had gotten him here in the very first place. Well, if he was being quite honest..it was really Dean Winchester, The Righteous Man, The true vessel of Michael the Arch-Angel..Dean Winchester, his best friend, the greatest man he’d ever have the fortune to come to know.  
This had been the best part of Castiel’s time after being created. He had changed, learned, and grown the most as a perso-angel..person? In his time here. He’d like to say that he owed that to Dean, which he did, and Sam had a great factor in aswell..But Castiel had always been ever the curious angel, often taking time to learn as much as he could when he was rarely sent down to Earth.  
If he was having such a joyous time these last nine years on Earth-Heaven-Hell and in between, why was he feeling this way?  
Castiel couldn’t deny that he’d felt like this more than once, but never as harsh and prolonged, never lasting long. He guessed that it was the stress and constant dire situations arriving, not often catching a break. He also may believe that it could be due to his lackluster self-worth. Castiel would never say that he was a hero of any sort. He’d made many mistakes, somehow earning some “Wins”, as the Winchester’s would often phrase. But he’d never amount up to the other angels, or even be able to redeem himself for causing the deaths of so many of his brethren and sisters.  
After all..there had only been an estimated nine angels give or take a few, left. They were endangered, and Castiel had been of no help at all. Infact, it seemed that Castiel could not manage much lately. He had lost Jack and Mary, both disappointing Dean, Sam, and he was letting Kelly down. Castiel could not understand why the Winchester’s would want him around. He understood that he was a useful tool, considering his meere amount of angel “mojo” left.  
There was no doubt that Castiel loved Sam and Dean, maybe one a little more than the other, but caring for both a great deal. This again made Castiel wonder if Dean or Sam had cared at all when he was in the empty. They were probably glad he was gon-

“Cas?” There was a small knock at Castiel’s door, already knowing who was about to enter, sighed and replied. “Come in, Dean.” Dean slowly opened the door, and made his way across the room to sit on the edge of Castiel’s bed. Dean didn’t say anything, just laying a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, giving his best at comfort, hearing of the knews about the receding number of angels left.  
Ah. There it is. This. This is why the short depressions never lasted long. He had his family to make it better. And he didn’t mean the angels. He meant his family, at his real home, the Bunker-even if sometimes he felt like he didn’t belong-this is what was worth fighting for.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I hope you enjoyed my second posted piece of writing! It was angsty, but it was how I was feelin so yeah. Have a nice day~Samarah.


End file.
